1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,763 - You wanted to see me, Drew? - Yeah, Hank. Come on in, have a seat. 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,741 - So, how are things on the security beat? - Oh, I can't complain. 3 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:12,074 You know, I'm just a foot soldier in the war on shoplifting. 4 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:13,202 Yeah. 5 00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:16,180 So, listen, Hank. Remember last week when I fired you? 6 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,618 I just wanted to call you in to remind you that you're fired. 7 00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:21,884 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. 8 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,014 - No, I'm not. - Yes, you are. Hank, come on, listen. 9 00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:26,389 You gotta stop coming to work. You make the new guy nervous. 10 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,724 It's his hat. You gotta give it back. 11 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:33,199 Well, you may have fired me, Drew. But you see, I'm not really fired. 12 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:36,601 It takes two people to do a firing. And I didn't agree. 13 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,441 Besides, I got a wife to support. 14 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,876 - I thought you were divorced. - Well, she's divorced, I'm not. 15 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:48,808 Hank, please. You know, I don't like to do this, but it's my job. 16 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,476 I had to fire you. You were overzealous with all the customers. 17 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:52,781 No, I wasn't. 18 00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,717 You told a 79-year-old woman to 19 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:58,814 "kick the cane over here and eat tile.” 20 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:04,231 Hey, Drew, that's our policy: Trust no one. 21 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,223 The minute you enter the store, you give up all your rights. 22 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,427 There's two things wrong with that. 23 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,403 First of all, that's not our policy, and second of all, you're fired! 24 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,768 No, I'm not. 25 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:15,740 Hey, Drew, about that $10 I owe you. I'll pay you next week. 26 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,004 You said you'd have it today. 27 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:20,308 Well, I don't have it. I can't pay you money I don't have. 28 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:29,717 All right. Let's see your wallet. 29 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,750 Excuse me? 30 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,691 Let's see if you have the money. Open your wallet. 31 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,252 - Hey, back off, old timer, okay? - Open it. 32 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,689 - No. - Open it. 33 00:01:37,759 --> 00:01:40,236 - I don't have it. - Yes, you do. 34 00:01:40,306 --> 00:01:42,673 Why am I arguing with you? Weren't you fired? Didn't... 35 00:01:42,742 --> 00:01:45,370 Well, if I'm fired, then I'm not really here. 36 00:01:46,513 --> 00:01:50,609 So it's gonna be nobody kicking your ass all around this office in two minutes. 37 00:01:55,388 --> 00:01:57,652 I'm not doing this 'cause I'm afraid. 38 00:01:58,358 --> 00:01:59,587 Yes, you are. 39 00:02:01,895 --> 00:02:02,953 Okay. 40 00:02:06,666 --> 00:02:09,397 - Here, Hank. Sign right here. - What for? 41 00:02:09,469 --> 00:02:12,837 I'm transferring you over to collections. You start tomorrow. 42 00:02:58,451 --> 00:03:02,354 You can't do that to me. I'm one of Sally Mae Cosmetics' best reps. 43 00:03:03,323 --> 00:03:04,313 Oh, yeah? 44 00:03:04,457 --> 00:03:07,825 I'd like to see you try and repossess my makeup case. 45 00:03:09,028 --> 00:03:11,929 You'll have to pry it from my dead, cold hands. 46 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,098 Hey, Mimi. I don't see Drew. Is he here? 47 00:03:16,169 --> 00:03:19,935 Trust me. If he was here, you'd see him no matter which way you look. 48 00:03:20,773 --> 00:03:24,539 Now, get out of my face before I catch a bad case of the stupids. 49 00:03:25,478 --> 00:03:27,207 Always a pleasure, ma'am. 50 00:03:27,747 --> 00:03:29,181 Oh, wait a minute. 51 00:03:29,616 --> 00:03:33,143 Come back here, Handsome and Handsomer. 52 00:03:33,286 --> 00:03:36,654 Hey, hold on. Nobody calls us handsome. This must be a trick. 53 00:03:37,023 --> 00:03:39,014 Oh, I'm sorry if I was a little harsh. 54 00:03:39,092 --> 00:03:42,118 I thought you were two other idiots that I don't like. 55 00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:44,825 It's not a trick. Come on. 56 00:03:46,199 --> 00:03:49,897 Well, as you know, I'm a sales rep for Sally Mae Cosmetics. 57 00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:51,596 More like a billboard. 58 00:03:56,075 --> 00:03:58,669 Well, here's something you need. 59 00:03:58,745 --> 00:04:03,012 Our new line of cologne. I can give it to you for $10. 60 00:04:03,116 --> 00:04:05,278 Oh. Hey, how come it says "sample"? 61 00:04:05,585 --> 00:04:08,714 Oh, it doesn't. It's French. It's called "Sam-play.” 62 00:04:10,189 --> 00:04:11,281 I don't know. 63 00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:14,918 Well, buy it now, get it cheap while the FDA drags its feet on approval. 64 00:04:14,994 --> 00:04:16,758 Oh. I'll take it. 65 00:04:16,829 --> 00:04:18,126 Oh, by the way... 66 00:04:18,197 --> 00:04:21,690 Sally Mae is not responsible for loss of vision, kidney failure, birth defects. 67 00:04:21,768 --> 00:04:22,894 Yeah, yeah. 68 00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:28,304 Hey, Kate. Get ready to smell something wonderful. 69 00:04:28,374 --> 00:04:30,206 I'm not gonna pull anything. 70 00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:33,345 No. It's a French cologne called "Sam-play.” 71 00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:35,507 Wait till you get a load of this. 72 00:04:37,884 --> 00:04:40,945 You ever smell a cigar that's been sitting in a urinal? 73 00:04:43,156 --> 00:04:44,282 Oh, I get it. 74 00:04:44,357 --> 00:04:47,292 This is one of the pranks you're gonna play on Drew for his birthday. 75 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,452 Not bad. 76 00:04:48,528 --> 00:04:51,725 But stand back, ‘cause this year I have outdone myself. 77 00:04:52,398 --> 00:04:55,493 You finally found a way to top last year's "Hey, Drew. Look over there." 78 00:04:55,568 --> 00:04:56,558 Oh, boy. 79 00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,510 I thought we'd never recover from that one. 80 00:04:58,580 --> 00:05:01,510 [laughing] Ouch! 81 00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:02,930 Alright, I know I've come up 82 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,180 with some pretty lousy stuff in the past 83 00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:06,750 but not this time. 84 00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,420 Before I show you my trick... 85 00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:10,860 ...would anyone like a stick of gum? 86 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,317 Du-u-u-h, okay. It's not too spicy, is it? Huh? 87 00:05:14,387 --> 00:05:16,287 All right. What do you have that's so great? 88 00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:19,758 How about an entire day of practical jokes? 89 00:05:19,826 --> 00:05:23,421 First, we're gonna reset his scale to make him think he's gained 30 pounds. 90 00:05:24,038 --> 00:05:27,668 And then we're gonna let out his pants to make him think he lost 30 pounds. 91 00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:29,004 Here he comes. 92 00:05:29,076 --> 00:05:31,101 Hey, guess what? I'm getting a promotion. 93 00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:32,202 Hey, congratulations. 94 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:34,611 Yeah. I'm gonna be the new Regional Personnel Director 95 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,241 for all three Winfred-Louder stores. 96 00:05:36,317 --> 00:05:38,581 - Hey. Way to go. - Congratulations. 97 00:05:38,652 --> 00:05:41,781 That's exactly how I want you to react when I actually get the promotion. 98 00:05:41,855 --> 00:05:43,789 You see, we just had this meeting 99 00:05:43,857 --> 00:05:47,259 and I offered to update all the Winfred-Louder training videos. 100 00:05:47,328 --> 00:05:50,696 If I do a good job, I'm a shoo-in. All I need now is an A-Okay on the money. 101 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,130 [Drew sniffing] 102 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,430 What reeks in here? 103 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,069 I don't know. 104 00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:57,437 Boy, it's about time someone changed those training films. 105 00:05:57,508 --> 00:05:59,340 They look like they were made in the '50s. 106 00:05:59,410 --> 00:06:00,809 Yeah. I've seen those films. 107 00:06:00,878 --> 00:06:02,972 They've always got those guys with the skinny ties 108 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:05,539 and the crew cuts and the big glasses. 109 00:06:05,609 --> 00:06:07,109 [Oswald laughing] 110 00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:12,942 That's right, buddy. I'm saying, you look stupid. 111 00:06:14,312 --> 00:06:17,771 Well, I won't look so stupid when I'm Regional Personnel Director. 112 00:06:17,849 --> 00:06:20,181 For once I'm gonna celebrate my birthday by getting ahead. 113 00:06:20,252 --> 00:06:23,153 Since Denny's got rid of that free meal thing, I got nothing. 114 00:06:23,221 --> 00:06:24,985 Why don't you guys go down to lunch without me. 115 00:06:25,056 --> 00:06:26,455 I'll meet you there and we'll celebrate. 116 00:06:26,525 --> 00:06:27,617 - All right. - Okay, bud. 117 00:06:29,227 --> 00:06:30,217 Hello? 118 00:06:30,328 --> 00:06:34,094 Oh, yeah. You have an answer for me on the money for those training videos? 119 00:06:34,165 --> 00:06:36,293 What do you mean you have to inform me by registered mail? 120 00:06:36,368 --> 00:06:37,893 You're two cubicles away. 121 00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:41,502 Oh, yeah, well how about this for company policy? 122 00:06:41,573 --> 00:06:43,940 I can hit you with a stapler from here. 123 00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:47,306 Oh, I got the money? Thank you, sir. 124 00:06:47,412 --> 00:06:50,677 By the way, Up-Your-Butt called. He wants your head back. 125 00:06:55,262 --> 00:06:58,755 - Hey, Drew. Can I talk to you for a minute? - Yeah, sure. Sit down. 126 00:06:58,832 --> 00:07:00,960 This is kind of hard for me to talk about. 127 00:07:01,034 --> 00:07:04,834 I think my boss might be coming on to me, and I'm not sure what to do. 128 00:07:05,105 --> 00:07:08,473 I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. I was staring at your breasts. 129 00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,872 This is sexual harassment, and I'm Drew Carey. 130 00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:17,540 It's important to define what is and isn't appropriate behavior in the workplace. 131 00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:20,917 The difference can be something as subtle as tone of voice. 132 00:07:20,987 --> 00:07:22,352 For example. 133 00:07:22,422 --> 00:07:24,390 Yes, ma'am, you wanted a package delivered? 134 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:27,458 Yeah, just one question. Can I get it overnight? 135 00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:29,995 No problem there. 136 00:07:33,266 --> 00:07:35,792 But change the tone of voice, and... 137 00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:38,532 Yes, ma'am, you wanted a package delivered? 138 00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:42,007 Yeah, just one question. Can I get it overnight? 139 00:07:42,108 --> 00:07:44,133 I don't know. 140 00:07:44,644 --> 00:07:49,081 If I can't get it overnight, can you guarantee it by morning? 141 00:07:51,184 --> 00:07:54,313 She stopped talking about a real package a long time ago. 142 00:07:58,692 --> 00:08:00,683 Obviously, that crosses a line. 143 00:08:01,328 --> 00:08:03,592 Another tricky area is physical contact. 144 00:08:03,663 --> 00:08:06,098 In the course of a normal day, we touch many people: 145 00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:10,535 shaking hands, pat on the back, brushing lint off a shoulder. All perfectly innocent. 146 00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:13,664 But there's right touching and wrong touching. 147 00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:19,011 Excuse me. Your hair clip's falling out. 148 00:08:20,647 --> 00:08:21,944 Right touching. 149 00:08:25,585 --> 00:08:27,644 Excuse me. Your hair clip's... 150 00:08:28,088 --> 00:08:29,180 falling. 151 00:08:38,631 --> 00:08:39,928 Wrong touching. 152 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:42,099 Hey, buddy. You're fired. 153 00:08:44,604 --> 00:08:45,765 It's important to remember that 154 00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:48,433 you have the right to put a stop to this kind of behavior 155 00:08:48,508 --> 00:08:50,442 even if it's your boss. 156 00:08:53,613 --> 00:08:55,377 Good afternoon, Ms. Bobeck. 157 00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:59,646 I have a bottle of Rothschild '67 back at my place and I was wondering-- 158 00:08:59,719 --> 00:09:01,448 Hold it. Stop the camera. 159 00:09:02,222 --> 00:09:05,988 - Sir, what are you doing? - Connery. Sean Connery. 160 00:09:07,761 --> 00:09:08,819 That's very good 161 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:11,364 but I think it's important to keep things a little more real. 162 00:09:11,431 --> 00:09:13,798 Oh, say no more. I'll do Michael Caine. 163 00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:19,036 All the birds adore me, ‘cause I've got sensitive eyes and wavy hair. 164 00:09:21,074 --> 00:09:23,907 If you close your eyes, you'd think that was Michael Caine himself 165 00:09:23,977 --> 00:09:26,275 throwing my promotion down the toilet. 166 00:09:26,346 --> 00:09:29,611 All right, I'll do it your way. Pardon me for having range. 167 00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:32,484 Try one more time. 168 00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,514 About your raise, Ms. Bobeck. 169 00:09:35,588 --> 00:09:39,718 Why don't I pick up some wine and we go to a cheap motel to discuss this further? 170 00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,887 Let's go to my place. I got beers. 171 00:09:41,961 --> 00:09:42,951 Hold it. 172 00:09:49,068 --> 00:09:51,196 Mimi, you're supposed to say no. 173 00:09:51,771 --> 00:09:54,263 You try looking in those eyes and say no. 174 00:09:54,641 --> 00:09:56,268 Okay, that's it. 175 00:09:57,076 --> 00:09:58,510 I need some cooperation. 176 00:09:58,578 --> 00:10:00,945 I got another video to shoot. The store opens in an hour. 177 00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:04,177 - Mimi, just do the line right this time. - Fine. 178 00:10:05,452 --> 00:10:09,514 I'm sorry, sir, but your behavior is making me feel uncomfortable. 179 00:10:09,923 --> 00:10:14,019 I think that'd be a little more convincing if you took your hand off my bum. 180 00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:18,227 Just keep rolling. We'll cut that out. 181 00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:24,394 I will not go to your motel, but I will file a complaint against you. 182 00:10:24,971 --> 00:10:29,067 And if that doesn't stop you, I could take you to court. That's right. 183 00:10:29,242 --> 00:10:32,769 Sexual harassment is a crime. And it's against the law. 184 00:10:32,846 --> 00:10:34,336 And you don't have to take it. 185 00:10:34,414 --> 00:10:38,442 You could sue, or if you have to, let your knee be the judge. 186 00:10:40,753 --> 00:10:42,619 This is the best part. 187 00:10:42,755 --> 00:10:46,055 This has been a Winfred-Louder/Drew Carey Production. 188 00:10:48,928 --> 00:10:52,489 Very powerful, Drew. I laughed, I cried, I felt harassed. 189 00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:56,392 I have to hurry up and get to work. I'm showing these to the board at 9:00. 190 00:10:56,469 --> 00:10:58,995 Which means that they should be carrying me on their shoulders 191 00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:01,598 to my new executive offices by 10:30... 192 00:11:01,841 --> 00:11:04,367 which should be easy, because check this out. 193 00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:06,809 My pants are loose. I'm losing weight. 194 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:12,006 Losing weight, you say? How much have you lost? 195 00:11:12,083 --> 00:11:14,575 - Have you weighed yourself? - On your scale? 196 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,912 Well, what am I gonna believe? My pants or some silly scale? 197 00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:21,288 I think it must have been that sit-up. 198 00:11:24,829 --> 00:11:27,457 Guys, what's with the pranks? It's not his birthday till tomorrow. 199 00:11:27,532 --> 00:11:31,594 That's just a coming attraction. Tomorrow he wakes up in a little, tiny bed. 200 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,490 Wait till you see the midgets we hired to play us. 201 00:11:37,794 --> 00:11:41,128 Not bad. But my prank is gonna blow yours away. 202 00:11:41,231 --> 00:11:44,997 Check out what I did to Drew's office safety video. 203 00:11:49,506 --> 00:11:51,167 Hi. I'm Drew Carey. 204 00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:53,703 And the next few minutes could save your life. 205 00:11:53,777 --> 00:11:56,974 You know, a lot of people think that office safety is just a bunch of hot air. 206 00:11:57,047 --> 00:11:58,037 Here it comes. 207 00:11:58,115 --> 00:12:00,243 Well, here at Winfred-Louder, we lake it seriously. 208 00:12:04,221 --> 00:12:06,246 Let's face it. Accidents happen. 209 00:12:06,323 --> 00:12:08,314 Oh, my God. Where are the sounds? 210 00:12:09,493 --> 00:12:11,018 I put in sounds. 211 00:12:11,094 --> 00:12:14,428 I went to this guy's recording studio and put in funny sounds. 212 00:12:14,498 --> 00:12:16,694 What do you mean, like snoring or train whistles 213 00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:20,294 or that exciting sound a squirrel makes when you chase him around a pole? 214 00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:24,500 What? Worse. Much worse. 215 00:12:24,608 --> 00:12:28,044 And if I've got this tape, that means Drew has my tape. 216 00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:30,705 Oh, my God. 217 00:12:31,648 --> 00:12:33,616 Thank you for seeing me, and for the opportunity 218 00:12:33,683 --> 00:12:36,778 to show you the next generation of human resource training films. 219 00:12:36,853 --> 00:12:39,220 What's wrong with the films we use now? 220 00:12:39,756 --> 00:12:43,090 Well, with all due respect, Mrs. Louder, they're kind of out of date. 221 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,391 I mean, nowadays women are allowed to wear slacks 222 00:12:46,496 --> 00:12:47,725 and men can have beards 223 00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:51,564 and the quote-unquote nancy boys are now some of our best salesmen. 224 00:12:52,669 --> 00:12:55,229 Mrs. Louder, I'm not gonna make any bones about it. 225 00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:57,171 I want Owen's job. 226 00:12:57,774 --> 00:13:00,004 Carey, I like this side of you. 227 00:13:00,844 --> 00:13:04,439 Let me get it, Mrs. Louder. Let me. You'd like that, wouldn't you? 228 00:13:05,682 --> 00:13:07,946 - Hello? - This is Kate O'Brien. Is Drew Carey there? 229 00:13:08,018 --> 00:13:09,452 Carey, it's Kate O'Brien for you. 230 00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:12,011 I can't believe she called me here. Tell her I'll call her back. 231 00:13:12,089 --> 00:13:14,854 - Don't play the tape. - Busy. Bye. 232 00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:16,554 Thank you. 233 00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:19,487 Ladies and gentlemen, after seeing this... 234 00:13:19,663 --> 00:13:22,223 I'm sure you'll view me in a whole new light. 235 00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:26,034 Hi. I'm Drew Carey. 236 00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:28,337 And the next few minutes could save your life. 237 00:13:28,405 --> 00:13:31,841 You know, a lot of people think that office safety is just a bunch of hot air. 238 00:13:31,908 --> 00:13:34,741 Well, here at Winfred-Louder, we lake it seriously. 239 00:13:39,049 --> 00:13:41,074 Let's face it. Accidents happen. 240 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:44,314 You'd be surprised how many happen right here in the office every day. 241 00:13:44,387 --> 00:13:46,856 From the computer monitor to your pencil sharpener... 242 00:13:46,923 --> 00:13:48,721 danger lurks everywhere. 243 00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,626 This could have been a real problem. 244 00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:59,267 An overloaded surge protector could start an electrical fire. 245 00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:04,666 Let me guess, Carey. You shot this after lunch. 246 00:14:08,111 --> 00:14:09,510 I'm sorry. I'll turn it off right away. 247 00:14:09,579 --> 00:14:11,377 Oh, Carey, put a cork in it. 248 00:14:14,918 --> 00:14:16,909 I'm enjoying this. 249 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,549 Scissors. Letter openers. 250 00:14:21,992 --> 00:14:22,982 Staplers. 251 00:14:23,693 --> 00:14:25,593 Don't run with any of them. 252 00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:28,724 And that's just in the cubicle. 253 00:14:28,798 --> 00:14:33,292 Let's take a walk around the office and see if we can find any other hidden dangers. 254 00:14:39,309 --> 00:14:42,244 For example, let me show you the right way and the wrong way 255 00:14:42,312 --> 00:14:44,371 - to pick up a water cooler bottle. - Not the water cooler. 256 00:14:44,447 --> 00:14:46,506 First, never bend at the waist. 257 00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:53,746 Instead, let your lower body do the work. Bend at the knees, slowly. 258 00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:04,490 Yeah. That feels good. I don't think I ripped anything. 259 00:15:05,302 --> 00:15:07,066 In case any of you have any heart conditions 260 00:15:07,137 --> 00:15:09,936 I should warn you in the next scene I climb the ladder. 261 00:15:10,006 --> 00:15:11,667 Turn it up! 262 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,910 Pretty embarrassing about the video yesterday, Carey? 263 00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:27,700 Especially on the day before your birthday. 264 00:15:27,770 --> 00:15:28,910 I don't know if this will be of any help 265 00:15:28,980 --> 00:15:31,810 but... surprise! 266 00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:34,810 Wow! Thank you, sir. You didn't have to do that. 267 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:35,810 Oh! It's my pleasure. 268 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:38,480 Now, maybe you'd like to uh, blow out the candles. 269 00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:40,750 [all laughing] 270 00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:48,590 You'd think they have better things to do! 271 00:15:48,993 --> 00:15:51,825 - Hey, happy birthday! - Happy birthday. 272 00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:54,888 Oswald. Lewis. Get out. 273 00:15:55,399 --> 00:15:56,525 What did we do? 274 00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:59,002 Made me the laughing stock of the store, that's what you did. 275 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,469 No one's gonna take me seriously now. 276 00:16:00,538 --> 00:16:02,097 There's no way in hell I'll get the promotion. 277 00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:04,801 What, did you think that was going to be funny? 278 00:16:05,276 --> 00:16:09,736 Well, it would have been if you'd played it at your party like you were supposed to. 279 00:16:10,748 --> 00:16:13,342 You? You did this to me? 280 00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:15,350 Hey! Look at the bright side. 281 00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:16,420 There's not a woman in this building 282 00:16:16,490 --> 00:16:18,250 who won't be looking at your butt as you walk by. 283 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,590 Oh, even as I was saying it, I knew it was wrong. 284 00:16:23,076 --> 00:16:25,773 Look, Drew, this will all blow over. Just... 285 00:16:27,413 --> 00:16:29,711 put it behind you and don't look back. 286 00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:33,041 Don't blame Kate for ruining your presentation. 287 00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:35,019 She was just trying to keep up with us. 288 00:16:35,088 --> 00:16:37,284 What kind of hell are you guys gonna put me through? 289 00:16:37,357 --> 00:16:40,725 I'd better not wake up with another naked dummy of my mother. 290 00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:43,329 Don't worry, buddy. After all you've been through 291 00:16:43,396 --> 00:16:46,593 - we've called off all the rest of the pranks. - Yeah, all right. 292 00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:49,658 I gotta figure out a way to get back some respect so I can get that job. 293 00:16:49,736 --> 00:16:53,263 Or at least get people to quit following me around with matches. 294 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:55,931 Why don't you guys go to lunch without me. 295 00:16:56,009 --> 00:16:57,773 I've been munching on this all day. 296 00:16:57,844 --> 00:16:59,175 Okay, buddy. 297 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,981 If you don't think that's an improvement, you're wrong. 298 00:17:12,125 --> 00:17:14,924 Blow it out your butt when it's not busy. 299 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:19,722 Did you come in here to make the worst day of my life worse 300 00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:21,790 or do you have something work-related to discuss? 301 00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:26,430 Well, face it. You're not going nowhere. You're gonna be in this cubicle forever. 302 00:17:26,806 --> 00:17:30,003 You better start sucking up to the kid in the mail room with the dead eyes 303 00:17:30,076 --> 00:17:33,740 ‘cause he's gonna be moving up to the top of this company before you. 304 00:17:36,516 --> 00:17:38,382 No, he won't, damn it. 305 00:17:39,152 --> 00:17:41,883 Judy? Yeah, put Mrs. Louder on. It's Drew Carey. 306 00:17:42,722 --> 00:17:44,781 Drew. In personnel. 307 00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:47,888 Yeah, that's right. Gassy Carey. 308 00:17:48,795 --> 00:17:49,887 Thank you. 309 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:54,424 Oh, Mrs. Louder? Yeah, listen, I know you're in the middle of a big meeting 310 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,695 but I insist. 311 00:17:55,768 --> 00:17:58,965 No, I am asking if I can come down and address the board 312 00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:00,767 for just a couple minutes. 313 00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:04,734 No, I don't have any more funny videos. Thank you. 314 00:18:06,045 --> 00:18:07,672 I'll show that kid in the mail room. 315 00:18:07,747 --> 00:18:09,841 Today is not just my birthday. 316 00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:13,576 Today is the day I show Winfred-Louder that I am no fool. 317 00:18:14,954 --> 00:18:16,979 Oh, damn it. Oswald and Lewis. 318 00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:23,391 Oswald, how could you leave that cake in your truck all morning? 319 00:18:23,463 --> 00:18:25,227 You knew it was made of tofu. 320 00:18:25,298 --> 00:18:29,166 Well, Drew didn't seem to notice. And what's the problem if it got a little warm? 321 00:18:29,235 --> 00:18:31,033 The problem is, wherever Drew just went 322 00:18:31,104 --> 00:18:34,631 he's armed with about a quart of spoiled bean curd in his belly. 323 00:18:41,047 --> 00:18:45,006 Hi. Good afternoon. And, just thanks for seeing me. 324 00:18:45,618 --> 00:18:48,087 Are you going to burp the alphabet today? 325 00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:51,420 No. No, I'm not. 326 00:18:51,791 --> 00:18:55,227 Actually, yesterday just wasn't one of my better days. 327 00:18:55,495 --> 00:18:57,657 Somebody played a childish prank on me. 328 00:18:57,730 --> 00:18:59,698 But, you know, you have my word that 329 00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:02,792 something like that is never, ever gonna happen again. 330 00:19:09,542 --> 00:19:10,634 So? 331 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:13,941 You know, this is crazy. Here I am trying to ask you to take me seriously 332 00:19:14,013 --> 00:19:16,141 when what I should be doing is showing you my record. 333 00:19:16,215 --> 00:19:19,583 Which is down in my office. I'll be back in just 10 minutes. 334 00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:21,780 Mr. Carey, don't move. 335 00:19:22,688 --> 00:19:25,157 If you have something to say, say it now. 336 00:19:32,598 --> 00:19:34,430 Okay, if I'm gonna stay, then I'm gonna sit. 337 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:37,231 ‘Cause, I always wanted to sit... 338 00:19:37,470 --> 00:19:39,097 in one of these chairs. 339 00:19:43,075 --> 00:19:47,342 Okay, then. Let's cut to the chase. 340 00:19:48,548 --> 00:19:51,449 I think I'm qualified for this job and I think I deserve it. 341 00:19:51,517 --> 00:19:55,954 Notwithstanding that little prank, which pretty much blew up in your face... 342 00:19:58,558 --> 00:20:00,754 we think you're the man for the job. 343 00:20:01,394 --> 00:20:03,294 Oh, my God. Really? You're kidding? 344 00:20:03,362 --> 00:20:05,854 You are our new regional manager. 345 00:20:06,032 --> 00:20:07,932 All right. Well, thank you. 346 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,526 In title only, and only for the next 30 days. 347 00:20:10,603 --> 00:20:12,731 We're closing one of our stores and the other one's 348 00:20:12,805 --> 00:20:15,035 accidentally burning down next month. 349 00:20:17,243 --> 00:20:20,474 You're getting a new parking space, a token raise 350 00:20:20,546 --> 00:20:23,413 - and a hearty pat on the back. - l wouldn't do that. 351 00:20:25,351 --> 00:20:28,082 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 352 00:20:28,154 --> 00:20:30,452 Well, I guess there's nothing else for me to do 353 00:20:30,523 --> 00:20:32,287 but to rush out of here and prove to you 354 00:20:32,358 --> 00:20:34,827 that you chose the right man for the job. 355 00:20:35,761 --> 00:20:36,853 Here I go. 356 00:20:51,010 --> 00:20:52,603 Board room looks great. 357 00:21:03,022 --> 00:21:06,151 Are those new ceiling tiles? ‘Cause, boy, let me tell you... 358 00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,964 How about those Cavaliers? 359 00:21:21,641 --> 00:21:23,769 Could someone get the door for me? 360 00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:26,872 Carey, you dropped your wallet. 361 00:21:28,748 --> 00:21:29,840 It's yours. 362 00:21:33,519 --> 00:21:35,715 Hey, you. Minimum wage. 363 00:21:35,955 --> 00:21:38,754 Minimum wage plus 5 cents, thank you. 364 00:21:39,892 --> 00:21:43,726 - You from UPS? - No, ma'am. I'm with Global Parcel. 365 00:21:44,230 --> 00:21:47,996 Oh, good. Let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn. 366 00:21:51,571 --> 00:21:53,198 Just get it to Spain. 367 00:21:53,506 --> 00:21:56,032 Well, actually, Global only serves Ohio and Indiana. 368 00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:57,872 But, I can get it to the Pennsylvania border 369 00:21:57,944 --> 00:22:00,208 and then we can give it over to Worldwide Parcel. 370 00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:03,681 - And they can get it to Spain? - No, they can get it to Jersey. 371 00:22:04,784 --> 00:22:07,617 Then we give it to Universal. They're the big boys. 372 00:22:07,687 --> 00:22:09,485 They can get it to Bermuda. 373 00:22:09,922 --> 00:22:12,948 - And then what? - Well, do you know anybody in Bermuda?